Hope for the Now

Damn. Does it ever get easier?

I’ve been saying that to myself a lot lately.

I’m so tired lately. So tired of pushing, fighting, and hoping for the next stage where it all gets easier. I’ve done that my whole life. I think that if I work hard and get that scholarship, or if I work hard and get that job, life will be smooth. My existence will finally flow without so much effort.

I’m learning there is no effortless “next stage”. Sure there are moments of ease, but regardless of any promotion, move, or achievement; life is gonna throw you obstacles. So why do I spend so many of my undemanding moments worrying about the next stage? The next stage isn’t going to be easier, and it’s hitting me that a next stage isn’t guaranteed.

Getting a full ride to college didn’t get rid of my health problems.

Moving to my favorite place didn’t guarantee I would be treated well.

Earning my dream job didn’t stop my dad from getting cancer.

Nothing I’ve worked for has cured or prevented all my hardships, but that’s not to say they were worthless.

Getting a full ride to college makes it easier to pursue further education and life without debt.

Moving to my favorite place has led to great friendships, memories, and day to day life.

Earning my dream job has led to priceless connections and career advancements.

I was so caught up looking at what was still going wrong in my life, contemplating what next step I needed to take to make it go away, that I didn’t appreciate the good my efforts were bringing. I was so busy chasing the dragon I’ve missed the treasure. There is no easy next stage dragon, and the treasure is the bits of happiness in day to day life.

So from here on out I am going to try that corny thing of “living in the now”. I’ll still have hope, but not hope that everything gets easy. Hope that I can appreciate what is in front me instead of looking past it to some imaginary haven.

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